Protected: A Lot Can Change in a Month

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Hello again

I’m back. I’ve been gone so long that I contemplated not returning. I figured no one was still checking on me; that everyone had assumed I’d never return. I decided that, with all the changes that have happened and will continue to happen,  I needed a place to write even if no one was still reading. I can now access word.press from work. That was the real problem. R is working on her Master’s (only 12 more weeks until she finishes) and I couldn’t ever get my hands on the laptop after work. We’ve had some pretty major changes since I fell off of the face of the earth.

 

1. On July 10th we celebrated our 10 year anniversary by flying to San Francisco and getting married! We were going to elope but then our families found out about it. I was so surprised that they all flew out to CA to be with us. My brother lives in Daly City and R’s dad lives in Pioneer so they were already out there. All of our parents and siblings were in CA to celebrate with us. We were married by the Bay in Tiburon on Thursday and spent the rest of the weekend together. Most of our family members had met, but it was the first time we were all together at once. Our Dad’s got along perfectly! They had so much fun together. We did learn that they should not be left alone though. They’re both pranksters and would get into way too much trouble if left unsupervised. There is already talk of R’s Dad coming to stay at my Dad’s farm for a week. Who knows if they’ll invite us. I’m so glad that everything went well. Our families weren’t awkward with each other. We even took my Dad to a few ga.y bars in the Cas.tro. That’s huge! He drives a muddy pickup truck, flies the Confe.derate flag, has a gun safe that’s larger than most people’s bathrooms, and once told me that the US went downhill when they gave women the right to vote. I never thought I’d see my Dad in a Ga.y bar. He was so happy at the wedding too. He cried. Actually, the only people that didn’t cry were my siblings and the officiant.

2. R still doesn’t have a full time job. She’s focusing on finishing her degree and preparing to take the L S A T. She’s narrowing down the list of law schools she will be applying to. We will most likely be moving again next summer.

 

3. I’m still at the job I hate. It’s still slow and I rarely have any actual work to do. I have half-heartedly been looking for another job but I’m torn. I know we will probably be moving in 8-10 months and don’t want to have to start another job and leave so soon. There is 1 law school that R is applying to in the area so there is the chance that we’ll be here for at least 3 years. I’ll look more seriously if we’re staying in the area.

 

4. I will be getting some time off of work in October. The ankle that I hurt when I broke my foot in December is still f’ed up. I’m having surgery October 2nd. I’m not looking forward to the 6 weeks in a cast or the 6 weeks of crutches. I talked to a trainer at the gym. I’m going to try to improve my upper body strength. That’s what killed me last time I was on crutches. I resorted to rolling around the house in my desk chair. I don’t want to have to do that again.

 

5. TTC – Before we flew to CA for our wedding I checked with my employer about adding R to my insurance. HR assured me that I could add R to my insurance as long as we were legally married (even though we weren’t going to be legally married in our state of residence). They were wrong. We were counting on that to start TTC again. We have decided to switch uteri. I will have my first insem in November. We’ve selected a donor from a bank. I registered and placed our first order (thanks to wedding $). On a side note: How exactly do you put that in a thank you note? Dear Auntie, Thanks for the cash. We bought spe.rm! Love, R & B

I’ve started acupuncture. I didn’t start it just because I wanted to TTC with my body. I felt like every time I went to my doctor with a complaint she would just throw another pill at me. I originally went to try to regulate my cycles without medication. It just so happens that my acupuncturist has done lots of fertility work. After one month of sessions I had my first unmedicated cycle in 5 years! I am hooked. He also has me on an herbal regimen and I have ovulated for the past 3 months. I also went for a physical in preparation to start TTC with my body. Blood.work showed that I have hypoth.yroidism. I got that under control with medication. Weight loss has been much easier since I’ve started the meds. I haven’t lost all I want to lose, but I think I’m in a good place to start TTC. I also found a doctor that is willing to do insems for me. We originally were having trouble finding a doctor that accepted my insurance and was also willing to perform an IUI on a woman that wasn’t married to a man. When I called his office the nurse that I spoke to seemed astonished that we had been turned away so many times. I am not crazy about having a male doctor and will probably return to my midwife for prenatal care if I ever get pregnant.

 

This post is already way too long so I’ll leave it at that. I promise it won’t be another 6 months before I post again.

 

 

 

 

Anyone in NC?

I talked about this in a previous post, but it’s getting so frustrating that I’m bringing it up again. We’re having trouble finding a doctor in our area. There are plenty of doctors, but they won’t work with us! They refuse to perform IUIs or even fill out a medical release form to for a sp.εrm bank if you are not legally married. I would be legally married if I could. We’re so frustrated. We have a donor picked out. We want to start trying again soon. We want to go ahead and order the chromosomes. My midwife says she has heard of someone in Grεεnsb0r0 that is willing to perform IUIs on unmarried women. I have been making phone calls. I have been told many times that they can’t help me. I have not received a single apology. I have left messages with other doctors. They aren’t returning my calls. I know there are doctors in the Trιαnglε area, Chαrl0ttε, Ashεvιllε, and Wιlmιngton; we just don’t want to have to drive that far. I would have to miss a full day of work for every appointment. I have a limited number of vacation days at work since I have only been here 6 months. They would only last for 2 cycles of IUIs. Then where would we be?

So I’m forced to beg…If any of my readers are in NC (especially the Triad area), know anyone in NC, read a blog of someone in NC (you get the picture) that has been TTC and is not legally married please let me know. You can send them my email if you’re uncomfortable giving out their info. Send them a link to the blog. They can comment anonymously. I just need the name of a doctor.

 I’m really regretting moving here. This isn’t the only reason, but I’ll have to talk about it in another post.

We Are Not Dead!

G-d, it’s been a long time since I updated. Things have been so crazy around here that I haven’t had any time to be online. I can’t believe how much time I used to spend online. I don’t even know if there is anyone out there that still cares about what’s going on with us.

What all has happened since November?

•  We found a house and moved in the week before Thanksgiving.
• I broke my foot 3 weeks after we moved in. I have been in a walking cast for the past 7 weeks and probably will be in it for at least another month. It may require surgery to repair soft tissue damage in my ankle.
• R still hasn’t found a job but is half way through her Master’s program.
• Our possible donor had some major life changing events occur in December and still has not decided if he can help us out.
• We decided to have a wedding in December and have thrown ourselves into planning for that. It has worked somewhat to alleviate the TTC stress.
• I am not really enjoying my job anymore and am looking into NC teacher’s certification in chemistry.
• We are still shopping for donors. We have narrowed it down to a bank and have a short list of donors that we like.
• I have ovulated each month on my own since Nov. It’s exciting! We will begin TTC with my body if R hasn’t conceived by August.
• We have found that there are few, if any, doctors in our area that are willing to do insems for non-traditional couples. My midwife doesn’t perform insems and said that she doesn’t know of any doctors in the area that will perform an insem for a nonmarried woman. Anyone know if someone that has a doctor in the Triad area of NC? Email me and let me know!

What’s going on with me

So with all the BS about donors I completely forgot to give an update about me. I went to my GYN 2 weeks ago. Actually I saw a CNM in the same practice I used to go to the last time I lived here. I love her! She was very nice and understanding. We talked about my PCOS and how we have been TTC with R’s womb. R and I have discussed TTC with my body, but were always hesitant. I have PCOS and am overweight. I shared these concerns with my midwife and she does not think I will have a problem conceiving as long as I prepare my body beforehand. She did stress that the PCOS will make things more difficult, but did not think that it was impossible for me to conceive. She and I have laid out a one year plan. I have one year to lose weight and prepare my body. She got me set up with a nutritionist and convinced my insurance company to pay for it since I have PCOS. She ran a ton of blood work; I felt like a pincushion. She checked hormone levels (LH:FSH ratio, total testosterone, DHEAS, SHBG, androstenedione, and prolactin), liver enzymes and function, thyroid, blood sugar, and cholesterol. She also prescribed pr0metrium and metf0rmin, The pr0metrium should get me menstruating again. I was on pr0vera every other month but I ran out of refills and my old Dr. in PA would not call in a refill without a physical. Since I had no insurance that made things a bit difficult. The midwife was horrified to learn that I had not had a period since February. Funny story about that later… The liver function and enzyme tests were because of the met. As long as that comes back within range I can start the met. It should help me ovulate. She is ramping up my dosage. 500mg once a day for a week then increasing to 500mg in the morning and 500mg at night for a week and then 500mg in the morning and 1000mg at night. If I can stand that for a month she will go up to 1000mg in the morning and another 1000mg at night. Her thought is that if we can get me ovulating within 12 months without something like Cl0mid it would be better. I think the statistic was that Cl0mid only works on 40% of people with PCOS or something like that.

So far I have already lost 4 pounds. I am embarrassed to say how many more I have to go. It really is just a drop on the bucket.

So the funny story about not having a period since February. The nurse brought me into the exam room and was taking my temp, blood pressure, and a brief history. She asked me when my last period was and I told her that I thought it was in February. She looked shocked and asked me if I was pregnant. I told her no and she asked me if I was sure. I told her there was no chance that I was pregnant, that I was in a monogamous relationship with a woman. She said that there always a chance and asked me again if I was sure. I said yes. She asked me if I had taken an HPT. I finally responded, “I have not had sex with a man since 1998. Have you ever heard of a 9 year gestation?” I have never seen a woman blush so fast. She fumbled with my blood pressure cuff, said it wasn’t working and that she would have to go get another one and left. She never came back. I don’t know if she was embarrassed or scared, but I don’t think she will be so adamant that a woman could be pregnant ever again.

Another F*cking Cycle on the Sidelines

AF is expected today or tomorrow. We should be gearing up for another TTC cycle, but we’re probably taking this month off. R can’t get off work for the weekend she’s supposed to ovulate. I’m really pissed about this most of all. When we started TTC a year ago this month R went through and requested off around her ovulation days for the entire year. We never thought it would take that long (oh how naive we were in the beginning). I think R may have been able to get pregnant that fast if we were able to be more consistent with our trying but scheduling with our donor was a real bitch. So anyways, a few months ago R’s cycles got all out of whack. The weekends she had requested off no longer fit her cycle. She went in to change things for this cycle. Her boss doesn’t pay attention to anything. She’s a flighty twit (no seriously, she forgot that 4th of July was a holiday and R is working alone all day) and gave R off this coming weekend instead the following weekend when she will actually be ovulating. The boss, we’ll call her FT, refuses to change the schedule. FT already has plans to go away for our ovulation weekend. She doesn’t really go on vacation. She just goes to Pe.nn State, gets really drunk, has lots of sex, and then comes back to work hung over and complaining that she thinks she might be pregnant. How can you stress about an unwanted pregnancy and talk about how it’s going to ruin your life in front of a woman who is TTC? Really this woman doesn’t think. Our donor may be able to come visit, but things don’t look good for that either. He’s recently started a new job (way to go for him! he got a full time job within weeks of graduation) and doesn’t know if he can get off of work to visit for the weekend. I’m pissed, sad, worried that this will never work out, the list could go on and on.

The doc wants to up the Cl0mid dosage because the blood work still shows what he calls “weak ovulation.” She’s ovulating, but apparently just barely is what I’ve gathered from talking to his nurse on the phone. We’ll know in the next few days if she’s going to take the meds this month or not. No use wasting the drugs if we won’t have any swimmers this month. There will certainly be more blood work and I’m thinking of asking for some more invasive monitoring like ultrasound on top of the blood work.

We need to be more aggressive. R may be changing jobs and we don’t know if the new job will have insurance that covers fertility treatments. We are hoping we can get her knocked up before she loses the really crappy insurance that, for some reason, actually covers fertility treatments. It won’t cover everything since R isn’t married to our donor (chalk another one up for lesbian discrimination) but it does cover doctor appointments and meds so we’re not complaining (too loudly).

I had a dream Saturday night that I was pregnant. I woke up crying…

New Job & Same Protocol

I got a new job today. I will be teaching Chemistry to Upward Bound students for the next 5 weeks. I’m still looking for full time work in NC, but we won’t be moving until the end of July at the earliest.

I spoke with the doctor today. We’ll use the same protocol this month with a few more blood draws to make sure the Cl0mid is working. If not, he will increase the dosage. So it’s 50 mg on CDs 5-9 and then OPKs starting on CD 11. Blood draws to check hormone levels on CD 3, 14, & 21. He actually suggested that we temp, which we’re already doing.  This is the same guy that asked us why we were temping when we saw him a few months ago!

We were right

Yesterday was CD 1, AF showed up when R was at work last night. No surprises there. I was a bit dissappointed but we really lost all hope last week. R just didn’t think that anything was happening in there. I’m calling the doctor today because R completely forgot to go in for her bloodwork while I was gone and I want to see what he wants her to do. It’s nice to know I’m needed in this process; I make sure she takes her meds, goes to her appointments, & pretend to be her on the phone when we need to talk to the doctor.

I hate being told…

not to worry & that I need to be patient. Worrying is what I do best! R called the nurse at our RE’s office and let them know that stopped the pr0gesterone one week ago today and still hasn’t gotten her period. The nurse said that it can take up to 3 weeks to get a pd after stopping the pr0gesterone. That’s something I’ve never heard before. I’ve been on pr0gesterone to give myself a cycle for 4 years and the longest it’s ever taken me was 4 days. Granted I’m on a higher dose than R and take it for 4 more days, but still! We were hoping to insem when we were in my hometown (near our donor) next weekend, but even if AF shows up in the next few days it will be way too early for an insem. Maybe we can convince our donor to come visit in a few weeks. Who knows, he may just say yes. He will be an unemployed college graduate by then so there’s a chance. I should have known our first medicated cycle wouldn’t go that well. R has Cl0mid and she just wants to use it!

On the job front, I have one. It’s not really a job though. It’s a paid internship for the first two months of the summer. One of my professors got a grant for her research and has enough money left over to pay 2 students to work with her. It doesn’t pay anything close to what I was getting at BBV. At least I’m doing something in my field and I’m learning two instrumental techniques that I never used during my undergrad career. I can look for another job while I’m working on campus.

Speaking of campus, I have 2 more days. I have 3 lab rewrites to do tonight & take the MFAT tomorrow and I am done with all my undergraduate work. I have to pick up R’s brother at the airport tomorrow afternoon between my exam and graduation practice. I’m really glad he’s coming up. He is hilarious! I wish his boyfriend could have come with him but he’s in a show that closes this weekend. The rest of R’s family live in the area. My family will be showing up around 5am Saturday. They’re attending my brother’s graduation Friday evening at 7 and are driving up as soon as it’s over. We have the cookout after my graduation where the families will meet. Hopefully all goes well. I’m more nervous about that than I am about my last exam.

A diagnosis? and A plan! *Updated

Primary infertility – Unspecified ovulation dysfunction

Well, we could’ve told him that. I’m not too impressed with the RE we saw today. There were many things that he said that just got under my skin A LOT. I had to bite my tongue more than once. We knew that we might not be able to find a doctor that was willing to help us at all. This was one of the offices that refused to help a lesbian couple conceive just because they were a same sex couple when our friends were TTC 2 years ago. Still, we didn’t lie. They knew who I was and I went with her to the appointment. Here are some highlights:

• He assumed that R was having sex with our donor, not that we were doing IVI at home. We didn’t correct him. Remember, we were scared that he’d say no and wouldn’t help us at all.
• He tried to discourage us getting pregnant using a KD because, and I quite, “We’ll end up spending more money on legal fees than the entire prenatal care and delivery.”
• I can’t tell you how many times he brought up the legal ramifications of using a KD. Yes we know it’s risky, but what’s our other option? We don’t want to use frozen and we want to have kids. I’m not waiting until they can produce sperm from my bone marrow!
• He thinks that R’s irregular cycles are just caused by stress. He said that it can be stressful to have sex outside of the relationship (remember, we didn’t correct him).
• He wanted to know why we were temping & acted as if it was unnecessary.
• He gave us Pr0vera so we don’t have to wait on R’s period again, just in case she were to have another 53 day cycle. R is supposed to take it for 10 days and then, ta da, AF visits. We’re thinking of cheating and using it to make AF visit just at the right time so she will O when we are near our donor the 3rd weekend of May.
• He gave us Cl0mid. The dose is 50 mg on days 5-9. OPKs starting day 11. He said to only use F1rst Response OPKs. Then she’s supposed to have sex the day of her LH surge. Ewwwww…have sex, especially considering who our donor is.
• R has to get bloodwork done one week after her LH surge to test progesterone levels.
• He asked who our donor was. We didn’t name names, because we didn’t want his name on any any records. We just said that he was a family member. The doctor actually felt the need to ask R if the donor was her family member. Sure, we know so little about genetics that R is knockin’ boots with her brother & wondering why we can’t keep a bun in the oven. Actually, he is one of my family members. The doctor didn’t see how this person was our family member & kept referring to him as my family member, leaving R out of the mix. Just because he’s a brother-out-law since we’re not legally recognized as a couple doesn’t make him any less of a family member in our eyes.

As much as it all bothered me, I had to think that I was lucky. At least he was willing to help us, albeit with an annoying commentary. We’re lucky enough to have insurance that will cover fertility treatments. He is the only RE that accepts our insurance within 50 miles of our house. My newest mantra is “we only have to see him until we get pregnant.” We got what we wanted, Pr0vera & Cl0mid. Here’s hoping we don’t have to deal with him very long.

Questions for you , what’s your opinion on these?

1. Why only F1rst Response OPKs? Do they have a lower level of detection?
2. Sure, there’s no common genetic information flowing through R and our donor, but you’d call your Bro-in-law your family right?
3. Do most REs think temping & charting are a waste of time?
4. Should we have corrected him on the sex thing?
5. Are the Cl0mid side effects really as bad as everyone says?

*Update – Forgot to add that R has normal anatomy. A slightly tipped uterus, but he (Dr. Forehead) said it was nothing to be concerned about.

BTW…RE will now be known as Dr. Forehead & he resembles J0hn Lithg0w.