Possible New Donor

For those of you not flying under the radar there are some exciting changes afoot. One aspect of these changes that I can share publicly is the prospect of a new known donor (S). The access to free swimmers is very enticing. S is a very attractive and healthy man. He is in a monogamous relationship. He was tested for all S T Ds and HIV in December and is getting tested again next week. He is also undergoing a c0unt, m0tility, and m0rph0logy testing next week. He meets all the requirements we set for ourselves when we started shopping for a donor.

We discussed the possibility of using known and unknown donors when we were TTC with our previous KD. We want to have multiple children. We don’t one of our children to have access to their donor and another child to not have that privilege. I’m not sure what to do with our one vial of frozen that we have left if we decide to use S as our donor. Should we use the one vial and then start with S if it doesn’t work? If we use the vial should we do IUI or home IVI (my R E won’t work with KDs)?

There are three scenarios and their costs (all include cl0m1d, ultras0und & tr1gger)

• Plan A: Use last frozen vial with one insem at home. Costs: Shipping $159 + Monitoring $420 (submitted to insurance but I haven’t met my deductible) + Meds $70 = $649
• Plan B: Use last frozen vial with one IUI Costs: Shipping $159 + Monitoring $420 + Meds $70 + IUI $440 = $1089
• Plan C: Use KD, 3 insems with fresh at home Costs: Monitoring $420 + Meds $70 = $490

Plan C looks cheapest but I didn’t take storage fees into account. We currently pay $35 monthly to store our one lonely vial. If we have it transferred to the RE we’ll have 6 months free storage and after that it’s $240 per year. If we store it at the bank for a year it’s $250. If we store it much longer than a year it’s more than the vial cost in the first place.

No closer to a name

We sat down this afternoon determined to find a name for the puppy. All we did was generate a new list. We expanded it to scientists and authors. Here’s the list. Vote for your favorite!

Help! I need a name!

This is our new puppy.

He came to live with us a week and a day ago and he’s still nameless. His mother was a golden retriever and his father was a black lab and he’s 9 weeks old today. We like to stick with literary names (Hamlet, Silas, Puck, and Brutus are a sampling of previous and current pet names) but nothing seems to feel right. Any suggestions?

Home again

We’re back from the hospital. My ankle surgery went well. I think I overheard the nurses saying that I had 4 incisions instead of the planned 2. It was supposed to be outpatient but they kept me overnight because they didn’t think I’d be able to make it through the first night without morp.hine. I did. I’ve been pretty good about my pain meds. I don’t like the way they make me feel so I’m sticking to ice and elevation for pain management. R has moved out of our room for the time being. Taking her bedside table out gave me more room to make it to the bathroom safely. She also moved a recliner into the bedroom so I can have a change of scenery. I like sitting much more than hanging out in bed.

I feel disgusting. We’re going to venture out on Monday after my acupuncture appointment and pay some poor soul to wash my nasty hair. I had a bit of a sponge bath today. I have vowed to wash and get dressed and put on a bra every day so I don’t feel like such a slob. 

I really need a time consuming hobby. Any suggestions?

Anyone in NC?

I talked about this in a previous post, but it’s getting so frustrating that I’m bringing it up again. We’re having trouble finding a doctor in our area. There are plenty of doctors, but they won’t work with us! They refuse to perform IUIs or even fill out a medical release form to for a sp.εrm bank if you are not legally married. I would be legally married if I could. We’re so frustrated. We have a donor picked out. We want to start trying again soon. We want to go ahead and order the chromosomes. My midwife says she has heard of someone in Grεεnsb0r0 that is willing to perform IUIs on unmarried women. I have been making phone calls. I have been told many times that they can’t help me. I have not received a single apology. I have left messages with other doctors. They aren’t returning my calls. I know there are doctors in the Trιαnglε area, Chαrl0ttε, Ashεvιllε, and Wιlmιngton; we just don’t want to have to drive that far. I would have to miss a full day of work for every appointment. I have a limited number of vacation days at work since I have only been here 6 months. They would only last for 2 cycles of IUIs. Then where would we be?

So I’m forced to beg…If any of my readers are in NC (especially the Triad area), know anyone in NC, read a blog of someone in NC (you get the picture) that has been TTC and is not legally married please let me know. You can send them my email if you’re uncomfortable giving out their info. Send them a link to the blog. They can comment anonymously. I just need the name of a doctor.

 I’m really regretting moving here. This isn’t the only reason, but I’ll have to talk about it in another post.

Donor List Reject

R and I have been pouring over donor catalogs for months. Ever since KD #1 backed out we knew that using an unknown donor was an ever increasing possibility. It has me thinking…I can’t help but wonder how we’d fare if it were one of our mini bios that people were examining. I’m having a hard time eliminating people for health problems that seem minor compared to my family history. R is struggling too. She has an even more sordid medical history. She was born with a congenital heart defect that, at age 25, caused congestive heart failure. Her mother and siblings all have a heart murmur from the same valve but nowhere near as bad as hers. She had a mitral valve and tricuspid valve prolapse with an atrial septal defect. To top it all off, in the tests leading up to the surgery it was discovered that she has a backwards aorta. She had heart surgery in May 2004 and is now healthy and her cardiologist has assured that there’s no additional risk should she become pregnant. Would you pick a donor with a heart condition? I don’t think they’d even make it past the screening processes.

Sp…I came up with my own bio based on the bio provided by our bank. Would you pick me?

Donor General Information
Date of Birth: 1979
Marital Status: Living with Partner
Number of children: 0
Religion: Jewish
Occupation: Chemist
Blood Type: A+
Ethnicity: French, English, Norwegian, Native American
Race: Caucasian
Comments: not ethnic Jew, converted

Donor Physical Attributes
Height: 5′5″                          Eyebrows: Very full
Weight: overweight             Dimples: yes
Eye Color: Hazel/Green      Acne: Yes
Hair Color: Brown                Acne Info: Mild and persists into adulthood
Hair Texture: Thick            Shoe Size: 10.5
Hair Loss: none                    Body Build: Large
Hair Type: wavy                  Freckles: None
Dominant Hand: Right        Skin Tone: Medium
Face Shape: Round              Hairy: Yes
Lips: Thin                              Ear Lobes: Detached
Nose Shape: Normal            Long Eyelashes: Yes

Donor Health Information
Allergies: Codeine, bee stings, rabbits, cats, dust, grass, mold, seasonal allergies
Eyesight: poor and farsighted, corrected with bifocals or contacts
Other: GERD, PCOS, chronic skin infections

Donor Personality and Interest Attributes
Skills Hobbies and Interest: Trivia, board games, math, science, cooking, very analytical

Donor Education
In School: No                   In School Major: Chemistry and Biology
Training Type:
College Degrees: B.S.
GPA: 3.1
SAT: 1370
IQ: 138

Immediate Medical History
Mother: 5′6″ 150 lbs, large build with thin and coarse brown hair, green eyes, fair skin, right handed. Administrative assistant with some college education
Comments: Hysterectomy at 42-fibroids; In good health overall; wears glasses

Father: 5′9″ 210 lbs, average build with thick dark brown hair, brown eyes, olive skin, right handed. Farmer with some college education 
Comments: High blood pressure, high cholesterol, heavy smoker and drinker, seasonal allergies, GERD, chronic bronchitis, wears glasses

Brother: 5′10″ 165 lbs, average build with brown hair, brown eyes, olive skin, right handed. Farmer with college education
Comments: Asthma and seasonal allergies, wears reading glasses

Sister: 5′9″ 170 lbs, large build with thick wavy brown hair and brown eyes, medium skin, right handed. College Student
Comments: amεlogεnεsis impεrfεctα (dental enamel defect) , GERD, seasonal allergies

Paternal Medical History
Grandfather: 5′11″ 180 lbs with average build. Brown hair and eyes, fair skin, right handed. Business owner. Died at 75 from liver failure
Comments: liver disease, alcoholic

Grandmother: 4′10″ and 110 lbs. small build. Thick black hair and brown eyes. Beautician with trade school education
Comments: high blood pressure, strokes, cataracts, glaucoma, nearly blind

Aunt (half sibling, same mother): Breast Cancer, wears glasses

Uncle (half sibling, same mother): Migraines and severe allergies, wears glasses

Maternal Medical History

Grandmother: 5′9″ 150 lbs. with large build. Thick red hair and green eyes. Homemaker with high school education.
Comments: Alcoholic and drug use, wears glasses

Grandfather: 6′2″ 170 lbs. with large build. Thick brown hair and brown eyes. Engineer with a college education.
Comments: emphysema (heavy smoker), colon cancer in 50s, wears glasses

Uncle: 6′2″ 220 lbs. with large build. Blonde/red hair and light blue eyes. Mechanic with trade school education. 
Comments: Hodgkin’s Disease age 30

We Are Not Dead!

G-d, it’s been a long time since I updated. Things have been so crazy around here that I haven’t had any time to be online. I can’t believe how much time I used to spend online. I don’t even know if there is anyone out there that still cares about what’s going on with us.

What all has happened since November?

•  We found a house and moved in the week before Thanksgiving.
• I broke my foot 3 weeks after we moved in. I have been in a walking cast for the past 7 weeks and probably will be in it for at least another month. It may require surgery to repair soft tissue damage in my ankle.
• R still hasn’t found a job but is half way through her Master’s program.
• Our possible donor had some major life changing events occur in December and still has not decided if he can help us out.
• We decided to have a wedding in December and have thrown ourselves into planning for that. It has worked somewhat to alleviate the TTC stress.
• I am not really enjoying my job anymore and am looking into NC teacher’s certification in chemistry.
• We are still shopping for donors. We have narrowed it down to a bank and have a short list of donors that we like.
• I have ovulated each month on my own since Nov. It’s exciting! We will begin TTC with my body if R hasn’t conceived by August.
• We have found that there are few, if any, doctors in our area that are willing to do insems for non-traditional couples. My midwife doesn’t perform insems and said that she doesn’t know of any doctors in the area that will perform an insem for a nonmarried woman. Anyone know if someone that has a doctor in the Triad area of NC? Email me and let me know!

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck

So our donor called me this evening. He said that he didn’t feel comfortable donating for us anymore. He said that he really hoped that it didn’t work last month and wanted to talk to us then but didn’t want to back out at the last minute. That he didn’t think it would take so long. That it was starting to feel weird and someday he wanted to have a family of his own. What does that mean? We always said that if he didn’t want to continue helping us he could stop. We never thought that he would. If you remember he was the one that came to us a few years ago and said that if we ever wanted to have kids he would be willing to donate. So now, on day 5 of Cl0mid, we don’t have the other 26 chromosomes. I sobbed for a while. R said she knew it was too good to be true. Now we have to pick out a donor.

Know any good spεrm banks?

Passed Out

I still haven’t been able to convince R to POAS. She will in the morning though. Tomorrow is R’s birthday and AF was due today. No signs of her yet. We did have a scary thing happen this afternoon though. R started feeling dizzy in the shower and got out. She passed out as she was walking in the bedroom. She was only out a few minutes and luckily she missed the bed and the dresser as she went down. She called me as soon as she came to and I rushed home from work. I got her something to eat and set up a fan to cool her off.

Has anyone else passed out while TTC? Were you pregnant?

Moving and much more

I’ve decided to put off graduate school for one year. I need to work and save up some money. Also, assuming that R gets pregnant in the next few months, I didn’t think a newborn during my first year of graduate school was a good idea. We will probably be moving by the end of the summer. There aren’t really any jobs in my field in our area and I need to be closer to an actual city. We really wanted to move out to CA, but there’s no way we can afford to move across the country right now. Being unemployed for the past 4 months ate up any savings that we had and we don’t want to go into debt while TTC. The two cities in the running are Pittsburgh, PA and Raleigh, NC. We used to live in Pittsburgh. It’s where we were living when we first met. R was a student at Pitt and I went to CMU. We’d love to go back there. We have a friend in Pittsburgh that has an apartment but really wants to get a house but can’t afford it on her own. She really wants us to move in with her even though she knows we’re TTC. I’ve applied for 3 jobs in Pittsburgh. As for NC, my family really wants me closer. My dad has offered pay to move us down there if we can find jobs. A very tempting offer. I’ve applied for 14 jobs in the Raleigh area. The odds are in NC’s favor. There are just more jobs for me there and I don’t know about living with someone with a baby. There I go making decisions based on a nonexistent child again, just trying to think ahead.

Does anyone want to weigh in for or against either city? I don’t know too much about the GLBT community in Raleigh. It’s close to where I grew up, but a much larger city than my hometown. I also haven’t lived in NC in years so I don’t know if things are still as bad as they used to be. I don’t know how long we’d be down there but I have to start thinking about how our future child will be treated at school once it gets out that they have two mommies.

Just to complicate things R just got a call today for a 2nd interview for a job she really wants and is a little bummed that we may have to move. She’s still going to the interview but knows she may not be able to take the job if it’s offered to her. There is only one job in my field within 50 miles of our house and I don’t want it. I know it pays well but I didn’t go to college to wash dishes (laboratory glassware) for a living.

My internship is going well. The prof that I’m working for is a lot of fun and a great teacher. I am also working with one other student so I don’t get too lonely in the lab. I do miss the sun though. There aren’t any windows in the lab or the instrument room. We’re trying to develop a nanosensor to detect pesticides but so far all I have done is spend three days shopping for chemicals. The enzyme we were looking for was back-ordered until November so we basically had to redesign a portion of the project to work with an enzyme we could get our hands on. Not too exciting yet, but I get to work with instruments (SEM & AFM) that I haven’t ever used before since they usually don’t let undergrads touch them (they’re really expensive). I’m also learning new techniques. There’s also the possibility that, as long as we get good results, we could be published once it is all said and done.