CD1

Spotting started shortly after lunch yesterday. Full flow shortly after 3pm so I guess this is is technically CD1. R was spotting yesterday but it quickly disappeared.

Late Update

We are much more concerned than the RE is about R’s lateness. Her pr0gester0ne was 6.28 mg/mL. The nurse gave her the option of taking Pr0metrium now or waiting a week to see if she starts on her own. She hates the Pr0metrium so she’s waiting. She was asked again if there was any possibility that she was pregnant. There’s not, she took a test this morning. Not that we thought it would be positive but she had to check.

Late

My wife is late. Her cycles are usually 28-29 days. Today is day 45. She called the R E yesterday and they had her come in for bloodwork today. They asked if there was any possibility of pregnancy. Her last encounter with swimmers was in April. That would make her something like 19 weeks now so we’re certain that’s not that. She did have 2 very light 1-2 day pds in May and June but nothing since then. Hopefully it’s nothing serious…

Losing Hope

I have cramps.

My Dreams

are killing me! Well not killing me, killing the ones I love would be a more accurate description. Saturday night it was my grandmother (the woman I will name my daughter after). Sunday night it was my mom. Last night it was my sister. It doesn’t matter how many times I wake up in the middle of the night (whether from fright or to go to the bathroom or both). As soon as I fall back asleep it’s another dream of the graphic death of someone I love. Heart attack, stroke, reverse drive by (man standing on street corner shooting at cars), drowning, car accident (that one was coma and paralysis, not technically death), shark attack (my lil sis leaves for the beach this weekend), and domestic abuse are the lovely things that have haunted my dreams for the past few nights. I’m not sleeping well and it’s making me very cranky.

To make matters worse I’m not happy at work lately (long drawn out story that ends with the VP is an ass without a scientific background so he has no idea how to manage a lab) and the lack of restful sleep is making that worse.

I’m getting antsy too. I know that this town isn’t where I want to spend the rest of my life and I want to get on with it and move to the city of our dreams but we can’t afford to trek across the country right now (and wouldn’t have jobs when we got there).

I’m certain that all of this funk is P M S so I’m also in the dumps because I’m a failure. Today is C D 29 but only 13 days post tr!gger and 11 dpo. If there’s no red I ‘m hoping to make it to Sunday without testing. Ha!

Maybe I should consider some chemical therapy to get me through this. I haven’t been on anything in one year, maybe I should reconsider being med free.

I wish I knew

I have had a migraine for the past 5 days. My nose hurts & I want to remove my left eyeball. I can hear every sound (why are people incapable of picking up their feet when they walk…shuffle, shuffle). My eyes are glassy and my pupils are tiny. Tylen0l can’t touch my pain. Caffeine can’t touch it either (I’ve only allowed myself small amounts). My little savior pills that always make the pounding, light sensitivity, and supersonic hearing go away are cat C. If I knew that this cycle didn’t work I could put myself out of my misery with one little pill.

The Ladies are at it again

The n!pple pain started last night. They’re hard as rocks this morning. It meant nothing last month so I’m sure it means nothing this month. I guess this must just be a delayed side effect of the tr!gger.

Let the Waiting Commence

The third and last insem of this cycle was last night. I think our timing was good and hope the next two weeks will fly by.

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