I’m a bit more calm that I was yesterday and not as angry. I am hurt. I wish I could have given more money but we really couldn’t afford it. I wish I could have given my time. I wish I could be surrounded by others that feel the same way I do right now. I live 2,750 miles away from San Francisco City Hall. That’s where I wanted to be last night, on the same steps we walked up to get our marriage license, the same steps we walked down as wife and wife, the same steps where we took wedding photos. I wanted to cry with others instead of crying myself to sleep. My mom called me to see how it would affect us. My brother called me to see if I was OK. My brother-in-law (I guess I’ll have to go back to calling him my brother-out-law…I liked that better anyway) called to tell us that it doesn’t matter what they say, that we’re still married, our wedding was witnessed by our families, we know we’re married and that’s all that matters. It still felt really good to know that someone somewhere that didn’t know us at all knew we were married. They stamped the paperwork, saw our names. We were legal. It meant more to me than I knew at the time. I’m trying to drag myself out of this funk.
I am so glad we were able to get married in CA this summer. We had a beautiful wedding surrounded by our families. Our marriage wasn’t legal in our state of residence on Monday and it’s not legal now. No real change. I’m also glad we ordered multiple copies of our marriage license. I’m glad I was able to legally change my name with our marriage license. I’m glad our future family will share the same last name.
I’m also glad that this week was full of firsts. It was the first time that I have ever voted for a candidate in a general election that won. It was the first time in my lifetime that my home state was blue. It is the first time that my sister voted for a Democrat.
In other, non-depressing news, tomorrow is finally CD1. I was very excited to start spotting this afternoon. It is CD 66 afterall. One more cycle until we try to knock me up.
